


Impregnable

by skund



Category: DCU - Comicverse, Marvel 616
Genre: Crack, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-17
Updated: 2010-07-17
Packaged: 2017-10-10 15:07:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/101088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skund/pseuds/skund
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are some forces in the world you just shouldn't mess with. </p>
            </blockquote>





	Impregnable

The monitor womb was dark and quiet. The graveyard shift was an easy one tonight, for which Clark was thankful. He’d had more than enough deadlines and battles this week, and was using the unexpected downtime to relax. The silence of the room was disturbed only by the hum of the Watchtower and the occasional tapping of keys. Despite this, the first Superman knew of the Bat's presence was a heavy gaunt falling on his shoulder. He jumped, and quickly switched away from the window of text he'd been reading. But he was too slow. 

“What's that?” Batman rasped from over his shoulder. 

“What? Er, nothing?” 

The silence behind him was tangible. 

“It's nothing, really. Just a story I was reading, amateur stuff.”

Batman slid his other hand down Clark's arm, leaning close. Superman could feel his breath against his cheek. Clark turned into the contact, enjoying the feel of both warm skin and cool, slick Kevlar against his face. When he'd first ended up in Bruce's bed a few months ago, he'd never imagined the possibility of these quiet, flirty encounters. He was seriously starting to enjoy them. 

He felt more than saw Bruce's smirk. “Let me see.” 

“Ah, it's... just silly fun. You know what fun is, right Bruce?” 

Clark's attempt at diversion failed. “Let me see.” 

He eyed his lover for a moment, then sighed in resignation and returned the text to the screen. He sat motionless as Bruce scanned the page, his cheeks slowly blushing red. 

“What _is_ this?” 

“It's a story.” Superman replied quietly. 

“About us.” 

Clark nodded, eyes fixed firmly on the screen. 

“Why are people writing stories about us?” 

Clark shrugged lightly. “It's just a hobby for some people, I guess.”

“Sex stories.” 

Clark glanced at Bruce's face out of the corner of his eye. 

Batman snorted. “That is pathetic.” 

“It's harmless, Bruce. Just a bit of fun.”

“It's delusional.” 

“It's just-” 

“I'm _pregnant_.” Batman gestured empathetically at the screen. 

Clark smirked, then quickly wiped the emotion off his face. “It's... a social commentary?” He tried to sound serious, he really did. 

“It's patently ridiculous, Clark. That's what is is.” 

Superman smiled fully then, grabbing Batman's outstretched hand with his own and pulled it close to his chest, twining their fingers. “Some of them are quite... fanciful, yes.” 

The Bat huffed, but didn't try to pull away. Their faces were still in intimately proximity. 

“Okay,” Clark confessed, “so this one is very silly. But there some others I think you might like.” He rubbed his face slightly against Bruce's, tracing the edge of the mask with his nose. 

“There's more?” 

“Yeah, and much better than this story too.” Clark felt Batman shift closer behind him, against the back of the chair.

“Why don't you show me?” Bruce purred in his ear. Clark grinned, and reached for the monitor's touchpad.

“How dare you!” the third voice echoed through the room, causing both men to turn quickly, battle ready. There was a small, grey haired figure floating cross legged in the middle of the monitor room. 

“Mxyzptlk!” Superman yelled. Batman snarled. 

The imp frowned, and flew towards them. “Do you have any idea how long I spent on that masterpiece? How many hours?”

Clark's jaw fell open. “You wrote that?”

Mxyzptlk crossed his arms indignantly. “How dare you criticise another's creative genius! The gall of some people.”

Batman snorted. “Creative genius? Your 'story' is nothing but fanciful gibberish.” 

The imp huffed and straightened his tiny purple hat. “How dare you!” 

“You go sprouting nonsense, then accuse others of being unreasonable?”

“Nonsense! Nonsense!” 

“Yes, utterly unfeasible nonsense.” 

Mxyzptlk narrowed his eyes. “Unfeasible, hmm? I'll show you just how unfeasible my creation is.” 

“Er, Bruce?” Clark grabbed at the Bat's shoulder, but the other man was already stepping forward, pointing an accusing finger. “Go ahead, imp.” 

Mxyzptlk wiggled his eyebrows and Batman crumpled to the floor, howling in pain. Clark made to leap towards the floating imp, but he'd already disappeared. Instead he turned to his partner, curled double on the floor clutching his stomach. The pain seemed to be subsiding, his screams falling into pants and groans. Clark knelt beside him, placing his hands on Bruce's chest until the tremors faded. He took a deep breath and carefully scanned Bruce's body. Head looked fine, chest was clear, abdomen was... Oh God. Bruce was watching him, he could feel it. Clark finally looked him in the eyes, and even through the lenses of the cowl he could see the comprehension dawn on his face. 

Batman reached up and grabbed the front of Superman's tunic with both fists, pulling him down close to his face. “When I'm done with you,” he panted, as the last of the pain ebbed away, “they'll never even find your body.” Then he collapsed onto the floor, out cold. 

\---- 

The Watchtower's infirmary, three hours later, looked like a circus had come to town. There were close to fifty brightly coloured caped and masked individuals. Batman was appalled, and had demanded he be allowed to wear his suit after the preliminary tests had cleared him of any imminent medical danger. The cowl did little to hide his distaste however, and he alternated between looking like he wanted to sink into the floor, or simultaneously punch everyone in the room in the face. Only Clark's firm hand on his shoulder stopped him from attempting the latter. 

A crimson blur through the throng resolved into the Flash, who stopped just beside the bed. “Heya B, how're you feeling?” 

The small part of Bruce's face visible was markedly pale and sweating. “If you ask me that again I'm going to puke on your boots.” 

“Nice one, Bats!” Wally laughed, then sped away. He wasn't always as dumb as he looked. 

Clark shook his head. “What are all these people doing here?” 

“We came to give our congratulations to the happy couple.” Another red hero nearby replied, a tall grey haired man beside him.  

Batman glared at him. “What are you two doing here, Deadpool? Cable?” 

The red and black figure shrugged. “What, I can't come hang out with my best buds the Justice League?” 

Clark frowned at him. 

“Fine, fine. My TiVo's broke, okay? Gotta entertain myself somehow.” 

“Broke? You shot it.” Cable countered. 

“Hey, I said if I had to see Dean fucking Winchester shed a Single Manly Tear again I would not be responsible for my actions.” 

Clark rubbed his face with his hands. Bruce used the sudden opportunity to roll of the bed and dash for the infirmary's door. Clark had him back on the bed within a full second. 

“How are all you people here?” Clark asked, “I only called Diana and the doctors, but it wasn't long before everyone else turned up.” 

Deadpool shrugged again. “Cape grapevine. Remember when Cage knocked up Jessica Jones? There were seventeen pairs of booties on her front doorstep before she'd even finished peeing on the stick.” 

Clark rolled his eyes, just as Diana approached with Wally trailing behind. This really was a circus. 

“The doctors are confident that you are not in any immediate danger, Bruce. You are free to return home.” 

Batman breathed a sigh of relief, and pointed struggled out from under Clark's grasp. 

“Bet you're relieved, huh. Sooner you get home, sooner you can fall down a flight of stairs and fix this whole problem, am I right?” Deadpool commented. Everyone froze.  

“Dude.” Wally gasped, aghast. 

Clark's eyes started to glow red, and Diana's golden rope was taught in her hands. Batman's hands were on his belt, just waiting. 

“Er. Maybe not?” Deadpool added, uncertainly. 

Diana leaped over the bed using one hand, boots flying for Deadpool's face. The mercenary fled at top speed, flinging himself around Cable's torso. “Bodyslide by two! Bodyslide by two!” Cable obliged, and the mismatched pair disappeared. 

Diana landed neatly on the other side of the bed, and fastened her lasso away. 

Batman slumped, Clark reaching out to support him. “Lets go.” 

It took them ten minutes to reach the door, surrounded as they were by well wishers, amused colleagues and the downright curious. The hallway outside was thankfully empty, and Bruce pushed out of his arms to sweep down it, if slightly unsteady. 

“This is a disaster, Clark.” 

Superman sighed, stretching his stride to keep up. “I know. I'm sorry.” 

Bruce threw him a glare. 

“It'll all workout-” 

“Don't. Don't you dare start with the empty platitudes. This is not okay. A child, no matter what the origin, deserves two parents to be there to support them. Not two people who are frequently overworked, off world, kidnapped, insane or dead. Clark, you couldn't even keep your _dog_ alive without the Fortress to mind it.”

Clark's shoulders fell. “I know, Bruce. You think I don't understand all that? This will change everything. We're gonna loose a lot of what we are for this kid.” 

Batman just watched him. Clark desperately wanted to rip the cowl off, to actually see his face, but it wasn't worth getting punched for it. He closed his eyes, and ran a hand through his hair. “Look, lets go home. And deal with this there, okay?” 

They turned and walked to the transporter room in silence. At the doorway, Bruce laid a hand on his arm and pushed the cowl down with the other. Their eyes met. “I have to confess, on some fundamental level all this,” he made vague gestures at his stomach, “is almost... endearing.” 

Clark grinned like the sun. 

“There, you see!” the little man was back, floating smugly. “And you scoffed. Scoffed!” 

Superman restrained Bruce's sudden leap at the elderly imp.

“Hah! I've certainly taught you both a lesson.” Mxyzptlk smiled. 

“You made a... a baby just to teach us a lesson?” Clark stammered. 

“Don't be silly, Big Blue. I have no power over life and death; making a child is far beyond my powers. But illusion and subterfuge, now that's my speciality.”

“It's not real?” Batman demanded. 

“Not in the slightest.”  

“So fix it. Now.” 

Mxyzptlk waved his hands dismissively. Bruce gasped and staggered forwards, bent over and hands pressed to his stomach.

“You know, you really should buy yourself a sense of humour one of these days.” The imp sighed as he departed in a flash of light.  

Bruce slowly stood upright, colour already returning to his cheeks. There was fire in his eyes. 

Clark grinned at him sheepishly. “Endearing, right?” 

Batman growled, swirled over to the transporter and activated the controls, disappearing in seconds. Superman sighed softly. Looks like he'll be sleeping in Metropolis tonight. He transported down to his own apartment. There were thirty seven boxes of diapers on his doorstep. 


End file.
